![]() They can remind you of your ex in that way. But if you're just like, "Oh, I only date guys who are kind, sweet, and a little nerdy." It's like, okay, that’s a good type to have. I’d ask, “What were the reasons things didn't work with your ex?” And if those are the similarities, then you have a problem. ZZ: That's similar to what I was going to say. So if some of the similarities are the reasons why that past relationship didn't work, then you kind of have to make some tough decisions and say, “You know, maybe I am repeating something that I already know doesn't serve me.” Sometimes you are going to be drawn to someone similar to a past relationship, but hopefully, you've done the work to figure out why that past relationship didn't work. Well, that could be on your list, but it's things like, respectful of my family and shares political values. And I'm not talking about makes this amount of money. I think that it's really helpful to make a list of things that are deal-breakers and things that are requirements. I don’t know if this is a situation I should be running away from, or if I’m just being paranoid and self-sabotaging myself.ĪR: Every relationship that you have, you're gathering information. Since we first hooked up, his penis has been out of action because of some sensitivity issues, so whenever we’re doing other stuff in bed, I start thinking about my ex. The only thing is he seems eerily similar to my last boyfriend-same profession, same OCD tendencies. He’s easy to talk to and I don’t feel nervous around him like I do sometimes with guys I’m dating. I’ve been seeing this new guy, and things are going well. It's closure because this chapter of your life is closed. But I think of the number of times I've had friends be like, “I'm going to talk to my ex-girlfriend to get closure.” Then they go-and either they get back together and it's terrible for three months and they break up-or they use closure as this excuse to then reconnect with someone that they should not be reconnecting with. I was gonna say you have to get closure from yourself. I think closure is such a weird thing, but honestly, my opinion on closure is that it’s bullshit. That is something that I want in my life, and I'll continue to pursue it, and someone who ultimately feels the same way. Knowing that I have the ability to do that has been really helpful-that I am capable of making that commitment. And at the end of the day, that's all that I can do. I had committed fully to that relationship and to what I thought was going to be a marriage. And I think I am able to do that because I know that I tried. But ultimately, I have to find closure within myself. I have my ideas of what led him to make the decisions he made in the way that he did. You can really do yourself a big disservice by trying to find an answer because I will never really know exactly what happened. How do you move on from a breakup that didn't give you any closure?ĪR: For me, it's recognizing that some questions just don't have answers, and that's okay.
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